On DONALD DUCK

January 27th
On DONALD DUCK

How to Succeed in Life While Still Being Lazy (A list of Mostly Cartoon Characters)

1) Donald Duck
How many of us have not wanted to put their pants on in the morning? The much beloved Donald Duck never has. Sure, other people like Bugs Bunny don’t wear pants, but Donald throws it in your face by wearing a shirt and hat. It’s clear that he gets up each morning, puts on a shirt and hat, looks at his pants and says to himself ‘eh, not today’. Then he walks out his front door to face the world.

2) Pig Pen
Why bathe? You can still make millions as a minor character in a major comic strip. If pig pen was a clean large headed child like the rest of the peanuts, he would have no distinguishing features and quickly vanish from posterity. He has the most one-dimensional character in the strip, except for Franklin, who is black.

3) Karl Marx and Charles Darwin

‘I can’t shave! I’m thinking of theories that charge the world!’ Honorable mention: Albert Einstein, get a haircut!

4) Peter Jackson
This guy let himself go. Oh wait he lost all that weight! Take him off the list!

5) Jughead Jones
Now we’re getting real. Jughead Jones became famous because he was lazy, and raised it to an art form. And he eats so many hamburgers, and never gains weight! What metabolism. But what of his mysterious past, with that S-girl we sometimes hear about that broke his heart? That was when he learned that to be lazy, c’est divine. Jughead also shows that laziness is just intelligence in another guise.

6) Andy Capp
All time couch sleeper. Also, you don’t have to raise your hat above your eye level. Keep em down there. What are you gonna look at, your wife? What a harridan! Watch out for that rolling pin!

7) Marmaduke
Marmaduke! Get offa there!

8) What about that sheepdog that was in those Wile E Coyote cartoons? He looked like he was asleep, but oh ho ho, he knew exactly what was going on. He know when to save his strength. Which is what lazy people call what they are doing.

9) Beetle Bailey
What separates Beetle Bailey from his contemporaries is that, by being lazy in the army he is, in some ways, a force for peace. I salute you, Beetle Bailey.

10) Drabble, the dad on Hi and Lois, Dagwood, Al Bundy
The husband squad!! Very realistic couch sleeping, Dagwood.

11) Homer Simpson
Obvious. What am I making here, a volleyball team?


12) Casper the Friendly Ghost
You’d be surprised how much energy you can free up by not breathing, circulating blood, what have you.

13) Franklin Delano Roosevelt
He could have walked if he wanted to. Didn’t you see Pearl Harbour?

And there we have it. Thirteen successful individuals who are lazy. Let our inherent laziness never hold us back, let us never say ‘I’ll never become a famous cartoon character – I’m too lazy’ Or you can become president instead.