On MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY

March 19, 2009

On MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY

Chatting with the Stars

Starring John T. Nohands

And

Matthew McConaughey

JTN: Hello and welcome to Chatting with the Stars with John T. Nohands. I am John T. Nohands.

MM: And I’m Matthew McConaughey.

JTN: Matthew McConaughey, out of all the stars I have met, you are the most like people’s impressions of you. Does that make sense?

MM: All right all right.

JTN: It’s kind of you to say so.

MM: What’s going on with you Nohands?

JTN: Well, ever since my breakthrough interview with Uma Thurman where I almost got her to show me her breast, I’ve been given my own TV show called Chatting with the Stars with John T. Nohands.

MM: Way to go, buddy.

JTN: Thanks. So, it’s been about ten years since you were in a good movie.

MM: Cool, buddy.

JTN: Unless you count Tropic Thunder.

MM: I always do. Failure to Launch, Fool’s Gold, Tropic Thunder. Three movies.

JTN: We are really getting along well. Do you think it’s because I’m so cool and laid back?

MM: No man, I’m cool and laid back. You’re the one saying the last ten years of my life have been a waste of time.

JTN: I’m just trying to get a rise out of yah.

MM: Awww, yeah.

JTN: Matthew McConaughey, we’re best friends, right?

MM: Sure man, wanna play some fuckin’ naked bongos or something?

JTN: Whatever!!!!

JTN and MM take of their clothes, play some fuckin bongos and give each other non-gay hand jobs. Then they have some cheesecake.

JTN: This cheesecake is the fucking best.

MM: I know, man.

JTN: Hey, look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier about your movies sucking. Two for the Money was with Al Pacino, so I can understand why you did that.

MM: That’s cool, man. I only do these movies to support my addiction to sports gambling. Then I wrote that movie about it.

JTN: Two for the Money?

MM: No, We Are Marshall. Man, Hollywood can sure change a script around, am I right?

JTN: You are, man!

They laugh together.

JTN: Man, you’re like, Bob Dylan, man, but, like, without the negativity, you know?

MM: Man, that’s crazy! That’s not true at all!

They laugh together again.

JTN: Oh, man, sometimes I just wish all this stuff would just melt away and it would just be, like, what’s real, you know?

MM: I know, man.

JTN: Did you ever host Saturday Night Live?

MM: Yeah, with the Dixie Chicks five years ago.

JTN: Coooool.

MM: All right all right.

JTN: I hope this never ends. I feel like I’m heading for a big emotional crash right now, this is too good to be true. Any closing thoughts.

MM: Man, I just love being so laid back. I think I’m gonna keep going with that. It’s like I said in the movie Sahara, just keep living, you know?

JTN: You could have said anything just now and I would have believed you, because neither I or anyone I know has seen that movie, and I don’t know what it’s about.

MM: Cool.

JTN: If I knew someone who owned a DVD of that movie, I would wait till they left the room, steal their DVD, and throw it out.

MM: All right.

JTN: Sorry, I went way negative there.

MM: That’s all right. This was a good interview. Let’s do it again. Awesome show buddy.

JTN: Thanks!!!! (blushing)