On REAL ESTATE AGENT

February 21st
On REAL ESTATE AGENT
Sam Koslowski sat back in his chair and smiled at the embarrassment that Mr. Hendrickson was about to experience. He was wearing a grey T-shirt that said Forest Glen Athletics and red gym shorts. He had a red, ruddy face that seemed to be covered in stubble all the way up to the top of his shaved head. He didn’t like Eddie Hendrickson, who liked his job too much for Sam’s taste. Eddie was currently leafing through one of the science textbooks that were stacked in the corner of the room, seeking the elusive Hunchback Whale. He wouldn’t find it. Sam was just a gym teacher, but even he knew that. What was disturbing was how determined Garrow was to point out that Hendrickson had just spent over an hour lying to children. These kids, who knows, would take Mr. Hendrickson’s lesson to heart, and start raving to their parents about Hunchback Whales, which, Sam imagined, lived at the Aquarium of Notre Dame. Sam smiled at his clever joke.
The day before, Sunday, Sam and his wife had gone house hunting. Sam’s wife, Agnes, was 45, like Sam was, and ugly, like Sam was. It was a good matchup, and Sam loved her enough that sex was pretty good. But she was horrible to look at. Schrunched up face, all wrinkles and polyps. Really short too, you feel like you could play basketball with her. The total opposite of this real estate agent that was showing them around a dump that they knew, as soon as they saw it, was not for them.
The girl was very young, and taller than Sam, who topped out at 5’ 6”. She was willowy with big tits and a long face with big eyes and a delicate nose. She looked like she was from the eighties, and had a feathered haircut and wore one of those thin shirt dresses with a little sweater around it. Her voice was a lot more nervous than her walk. Sam guessed that it must have been one of the first houses she had ever had to sell. Sam got a real crush on the girl and probably embarrassed himself by asking lots of stupid questions so she would keep talking and moving around and gesticulating. Agnes, who was feeling sunny yesterday, didn’t notice or pretended not to. She knew that Sam had crushes on girls, and she wasn’t jealous or protective. Sam and Agnes had a very relaxed relationship because they both knew they other didn’t really have any other options, and so they would make the best of it. It sounded sadder than it was.
That was Sam’s attitude towards life, really: make the best of it. Enjoy your life with your ugly wife who wouldn’t cheat on you, and when circumstances bring you a pretty girl, get yourself an eyeful and move on with your life. No imaginings necessary, no obsessions, because nothing was gonna happen and Sam was happy with that. This Garrow, though, this new guy, was a real shit disturber. He was really out to embarrass Eddie Hendrickson. Hendrickson was a dummy, that was true, but Garrow wanted to rub it in the face of Sam and the French teacher who was always crying.
“Hendrickson, it is Humpback,” Sam said in his gravelly voice, “Garrow, stop bothering him about it.”
“I just can’t believe you know so much about Humpback Whales, but you don’t know what they’re called,” Mr. Garrow explained.
“Just leave him be, I’m trying to read,” said Sam, and he harrumphed and held up the newspaper in front of his face, flicking it out for effect.