On SUPER BOWL PARTY

January 30th
On SUPER BOWL PARTY
Super Bowl Preview
This year, we’re all gathering at Tim’s house for the Arizona Cardinals against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Who will you be cheering for?
Arizona Cardinals
PROs
-Heavy underdogs. Everyone loves an underdog and this team hasn’t won shit in almost 70 years. You might think that the poor people of Chicago and St. Louis, former homes of the Cardinals, are crying with envy right now, but since the Cardinals moved, both of those cities have won the Super Bowl. So, no harm, no foul.
- Show Me The Money! The Arizona Cardinals’ most famous player before this year is Cuba Gooding Jr.’s character in Jerry Maguire.
-Kurt Warner is an all-American hero. And everyone loves America, thanks to Barackobama!
- Sharp logo, Arizona. Verrrrrry nice.

CONS
-If they win, we’ll have to look back on this year as that weird year the Cardinals won the Super Bowl. Because you know they’ll never be back here again.
- I haven’t seen this many dreadlocks since I accidentally wandered into that Hemp and Mustard fair. Zing!
- I affectionately call them the Card-i-nals, drawing out that third syllable, which gets on everyone’s nerves.
- I doubt there’s a lot of Cardinals in Arizona. They should have renamed them the Cactus Owls.
- Arizona? John McCain country? Home of the retirees and golfers? Florida for aquaphobes? I don’t like it. These people are poorly dressed and deserve nothing. What, are they going to have a parade through the GRAND CANYON?

Pittsburgh Steelers

PROS
- Pittsburgh is the Hamilton of America, which makes the Steelers the TiCats of the NFL, except successful. And we all love the TiCats, even us Argos Fans. (The Argos of the NFL? The New York Giants. No one loves the Giants.)
-If they win, it will make sense, and reaffirm our view of the world. I don’t want to go changing my worldview over a football game.
- I kind of like their corporate-looking logo. You know? Seventies-ish. Full of hope for capitalism.

CONS
- Why cheer for the favourites? You’ll either be happy but unsurprised if they win, or Super disappointed.
-Pittsburgh isn’t a real steeltown any more. Frauds.
- That Ben Roethilsberger seems like a real dink.
- They seem like lovable blue-collar gents, but it turns out the Pittsburgh Steelers have won more Super Bowls than the 49ers, the Cowboys, the Redskins, the Patriots, the Packers – than ANYONE! Why do they need another one? What is this, Costco?
- Remember ‘One for the thumb’? Only ingrates would wear rings on their thumbs. Ingrates.
-They beat my beloved San Diego Chargers.

Conclusion:

I’m going for Arizona in this one, mostly for the underdog factor. Krista is cheering for the Steelers, though, because she was born in Hamilton, and likes the idea of Steelers. I also hope it’s anywhere near as exciting as last year’s Patriots-Giants game, where we all lost our shit at the end of the game. It was the best Super Bowl Ever!