February 25th
On BIG BIRD
Chet, Michael French, Marianne and Sally were eating their lunch together in the cafeteria. They were nostalgizing.
“Remember how everyone used to watch Sesame Street, but no one wanted to admit it to their friends?” Michael French laughed, “That was how we made fun of people, by saying they watched Sesame Street.”
“What was with Big Bird?” said Chet, who then turned serious. “You guys, do you think Snuffleupagus was real or not?” the whole table burst out laughing.
“I had a thousand barbies!” yelled Sally.
“And remember Hot Looks!” squealed Marianne.
And so on. In any situation with a passel of youths, Chet had discovered, the most surefire topic of conversation was always the Toys and TV shows of the past. Chet had cleverly steered the conversation this way by mentioning Tranformers. The reason that the conversation needed steering was because Marianne was about to bring up the fact that Chet and Sue Cantor were Dating. Chet didn’t want to talk about that because a) Chet was worried Marianne would be mad at him, even though she had no right to be because Marianne and Chet weren’t going out, and b) Chet was terrified of Sue Cantor and wasn’t sure how he felt about the situation. He had been avoiding Sue for days. Sue Cantor was new to the school, super tall, and had huge boobs. She had selected Chet within a week of transferring as her new boyfriend, and Chet was too flattered and scared to say no. It was only a matter of time before Sue realized Chet was a nerd, and dumped him. In the meantime, they had gone on no dates, and hung around awkwardly by the portables once. Sue had also made friends with Marisa, an obnoxious girl who had the aura of being from a broken home.
“I was so pissed when Ninja Turtles took the place of Transformers,” declared Chet, “I was like, but they don’t transform!”
“Totally,” Michael French said.
Chet suddenly wished that this moment would last forever. Here he was, three good friends, talking and laughing. They weren’t the most popular kids in school, Michael French especially, but they had carved out their own niche and no one really bothered them. Who knew where the future lay? In another couple years, they would graduate, go to university, and maybe never see each other again.
“Hey guys,” Chet said, suddenly solemn, “Let’s make sure we stay friends forever. No matter what happens, let’s always stay in touch.”
“Yeah!” said Sally.
“Deal!” said Marianne.
All four of them but their hands into the centre of the table, and did a spontaneous weird four-way handshake.
“Team forever!” said Michael French, a bit too loudly.
“Hey Team Forever,” said Sue Cantor, who had appeared out of nowhere, “I gotta talk with Captain Chet here.” Sue had an unnaturally deep voice.
“Hi Team Forever!” chirped Marisa, laying on the sarcasm thickly.
“Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of my friends,” said Chet in a high pitched voice.
“Okay, fine. I’m dumping you,” said Sue.
“You can’t dump him in front of everyone like that!” Marianne said, coming to Chet’s defense.
“Whatever, shut up, you can have him all to yourself now anyway everyone knows you like him,” Marisa said. This was turning into a debacle.
“Remember Thundercats?” said Chet weakly, at the same time that Marianne said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Go back to Greentree you fucking skank!”
And that was how a conversation about Transformers turned into a huge fight, and Sue Cantor ended up with a bloody nose, and Marianne got a black eye. Marisa and Sally got some scratches on their arms. Chet and Michael French decided to stay out of it, because they didn’t want to hit girls. They both agreed later though, that it was pretty cool that chicks were fighting over Chet. Michael French even worked it out somehow that he was a romantic object in the fracas too, which was an imaginative hypothesis, to say the least.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
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